Losing Control
by DisguisedasInnocent
Summary: When Bella threw herself over the edge of the cliff on First Beach she wasn't doing it because she wanted to cliff dive, she was attempting suicide. The girl has been holding herself together for too long and she's beginning to lose control.


**Author's Note: **_This is about Bella after the Cullens left in New Moon, a slightly different take on her diving off the cliff, what if Rosalie was right as she was trying to commit suicide. The ending is open-ended, but that's the way that I wanted to leave it. Hints towards Alice/Bella feelings, but there is nothing but hints. Mainly remembering the Bella/Edward relationship._

_Read and review, and mainly, enjoy!  
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>The dark haired girl sat, her legs hanging over the edge of the cliff as she looked down at the waves crashing against the breakers more than fifty feet below her perch. The girl knew that if she tipped over, even just slightly more than she was at that moment, she would fall over the edge and into the water below. However, as the girl sat there pondering how she had found herself there she couldn't find the thought of falling unappealing. The voices in her head cried out that she was being stupid, "<em>You can't do that! You promised!"<em> Edward's voice called out to her but the girl ignored it as she looked down into the murky depths of the water.

Isabella Swan thought back to the day that her family had been ripped away from her, she remembered the words that Edward spoke harshly into her ear and that remembrance of those words made sure that the girl couldn't find it within herself to listen to the man's words. Instead, she growled out her reply, "Shut up Edward, you didn't care about me then, you don't care about me now."

_You don't remember my name._

_I don't really care._

_Can we play the game your way?_

_Can I really lose control?_

The dark eyed girl laughed loudly as the man inside her mind screamed as she leaned forward before leaning backwards, his hand reached out towards her, but she knew that he was just an image her mind was creating to try and get her to think about the course her actions were about to take. "You left me that night Edward," The girl spoke to the hallucination, staring into the man's eyes harshly for the first time since he left. Normally she couldn't make herself look into the man's eyes because the pain of the night he left her would return doubled. "I was broken, and you left me in the middle of the forest. I just curled up there and cried. How could you do that?"

"_You promised."_ The hallucination said again as if that would make everything better again.

_Just once in my life,_

_I think it'd be nice,_

_Just to lose control, just once,_

_With all the pretty flowers in the dust._

Bella stood slowly on shaking limbs, toeing the edge of the cliff as she looked back over her shoulder towards where Jacob's house was. She knew that the man would be along soon to fine her, and she couldn't take the risk that he would find her on the edge of the cliff because then she would have to pretend that her wasn't there to end her life. The brunette girl had never thought that she would be suicidal because someone left her, but she realised soon after Edward left it wasn't that the man left, it was that his family left.

She had thought that no matter what happened between her and Edward she was part of the family, but that had been proved wrong when each one of them was fine with leaving her behind. The day Edward had taken her into the forest to tell her the news that he was leaving, and taking his family with him, had left Bella a broken mess. Her heart, and her hopes, had been ripped out from her chest, thrown onto the ground, and stamped on.

_Mary had a lamb._

_His eyes black as coals._

_If we play very quiet, my lamb,_

_Mary never has to know._

Edward had always told her that he was a lion that had fallen in love with a lamb, but now that lamb had been played with for the last time. The Cullens' eldest son had strung her emotions along and made her love him, she loved him more than she had ever thought possible but he had thrown that away. He had thrown her away. The lion had done what he had been trying not to the entire time that they were together, only he had done it a different way than he had thought he would, but the effect was the same.

The human had been so thoroughly broken that no one could put her back together, the shards of her being shattered so well that the pieces were smaller than could be seen even by werewolf eyes.

_Just once in my life,_

_I think it'd be nice,_

_Just to lose control, just once._

The girl stood at the edge of the cliff, her mind flashing back to the one Cullen that she didn't hate, Alice. Her mind telling her that the future seeing vampire would have seen her decision to do this, and somewhere in the back of the girl's mind she hoped that her best friend was racing back towards Forks in hopes that she could prevent that was happening.

However, Bella didn't wait to find out, because time was closing in on her. Swinging forward on the balls of her feet the girl launched herself forward, ignoring the voice in her head that was crying out for her to stop.

_If I cut you down to a thing I can use,_

_I fear there will be nothing good left of you._

It was about time that she lost control.


End file.
